It's ok to stop...

When I started this blog I was determined to help others with their workload. Over the years I had found lots of hacks that allowed me to cope with being a full time teacher with a predominantly KS3 timetable across two departments, teaching on average about 400 students a week, as well as being a Mum. I hope I have never given the impression that I'm an expert in this field, but it is one that interests me after meeting my limit a few years ago as I wrote in a recent post you can read here.

Yet I still get to the point where teaching becomes too much. I reached this at the end of last term. Having got through a term with an Ofsted visit both at my own school and my husbands, and put on a fundraising concert for our new building, plus the usual workload of teaching, I hit the wall again. This time, embarrassingly, collapsing on the floor of the staffroom where I was found 15 minutes later having a panic attack because I did not understand what was happening to my body and spent the rest of the day in A&E. The cause - in a word - exhaustion. I fell into the trap of thinking that by having these hacks I could be more efficient. But instead of being more efficient and then having more time to be me, I used it to do more work. In terms 1 - 3 I ran a club every lunch time as well as a 1 1/2 hour after school rehearsal on a Wednesday (we were working towards our musical). But even after that finished, in term 4 I took on new clubs. I still run clubs 4 days a week - and I was saying that was 'cutting back'. I was constantly late with my marking as I could not focus in my frees as my brain was going round in circles. My health problems became worse and worse, but I kept pushing myself with the mindset of 'only x more days until the holidays'.

This I think is the fundamental problem with teachers. There is a mindset issue. We want the best from our students, and therefore need to give them our best to help them. But, what does it constitute to be your best? Is doing everything you can for them actually doing your best? When does it become running yourself into the ground and therefore not even being your best in your timetabled lessons, let alone your marking and extra-curricular. 

I feel we are taught these ideas from a variety of areas. Regularly when something comes up in society to do with children/young adults it is put on to teachers (British values, citizenship, safeguarding, mental health to name just a few). When there are the arguments about funding schools, teachers are portrayed as being lazy and in it for the money. The old belief that we work 9-3.30 and have all these holidays off. We're constantly trying to prove our worth - to government, to parents, to leadership teams... the list goes on. 

So I took a few weeks off from writing the blog (in fact the only thing I posted in April had already been written earlier.) I didn't write articles or seek new opportunities for a while. I spent Easter break in bed for the first 4 days except for a couple of hours each day. I used the rest of the break to play with my daughter. We went on adventures as a family and spent time with our loved ones. I barely did any work. 

And you know what - it's ok. My marking is not perfectly up to date. But I've been open and honest with my line managers and they've gone 'ok, fair enough'. Even offering help. I've been honest with my students when they asked for their work back. Not a single negative comment in return. No parent has complained, I'm not in trouble. And as a result my lessons are better. They're not fabulously planned, but they are filled with me. I'm back in the room with some enjoyment. The to do list is massive. But it can wait. There are just over 100 unread emails in my inbox. None of them are urgent. I wrote a list of what had driven me to the brink, and then I went to my deputy head and asked for help. Nothing accusatory, but requests - "my life would be much easier if as a school we could..." I went with a solution to every problem. I was listened to and felt valued. 

So instead of pushing yourself harder and harder, counting down to the next holidays when you can once more pick yourself up off the floor, lets try a new mindset. It will take time and practice - we will not change just because we want too. But from here on in I'm going to use my hacks to buy back time. I'm going to 'piggy bank' that time and use it for something lovely, just like squirrelling money away in a savings account for that adventure.  I have no doubt I will fall again, but each Monday I will reset and try again. I invite you to try piggy banking your time too - what would you like to use it for? Please comment below and tell me. It'd be nice to feel like I'm not alone in this quest!

In the mean time - good luck and good health.